I was outside hitting bongs with a couple of friends the other day when we started having a talk about inanimate objects, and what inanimate object we would be if we could be anything. I ended up thinking about possibly the best answer (because I was high, of course).
If I could be any inanimate object, I would be a stop sign for the three following reasons:
1) Everybody who came across me would be forced to respect me. Otherwise, the law would be out to get them.
2) I would never have a problem communicating with anyone, seeing as how the only message that I need to get across, "STOP", is written on me.
3) I've always wanted to see a car crash, but have never seen one. This would definitely be the best place to do so.
BOOM.
2.11.2009
2.04.2009
Parents. Life. School. Hate.
Up to today I was registered for four courses. These were BIOL 202, INTE 209, AHSC 220 and PSYC 310. I was informed by my advisor that BIOL 202 will not give me any credits, and I should instead drop it. The only catch was that the course had already been paid for via Internet and it is past the deadline for a refund. I am now under increasingly immense pressure from my parents to (somehow) get myself into another course, even though it is past the registration deadline and my father can't get that through his thick fucking neanderthal skull.
I spoke to a very nice (and, surprisingly, spanish-speaking!) advisor named Marie, who helped me out regarding what I was going to do with BIOL 202, and it turns out that there is a slight chance that I will be able to be (late) registered into PSYC 315. Hopefully all goes for the best.
This means that for now, I am enrolled in INTE 209 (which is an ONLINE course), AHSC 220 and PSYC 310, which is a course load of 9 credits (12 credits being full time). Each and every single time that I talk to my dad on the phone, he will yell at me for only being enrolled in "2 courses and that online shit", and for apparently being enrolled in only 6 credits (even though I am clearly enrolled in 9 credits, my parents continuously fail to recognize my online course as a course simply because it's online. It's as if the fact that the course was online made it any easier, or meant there was less studying to do). I end up feeling like I am a fucking failure and all I am doing with myself is nothing but disappointing my parents, who make it continuously clear what a sacrifice (financially) it is they are making, when I am ''not going anywhere.''
Yes. My dad straight-up told me today that I am "not going anywhere." Those words exactly. Who in their right fucking mind says that to their own kid? Even if it was true, I don't think I would have the heart to say that to one of my kids. Fuck him. And he also suggested the idea that it would be better if I was back home so I could work with him and help him with business instead of stay at university.
I'm not at all saying that my parents are completely wrong, and that I am angel and are doing everything right. Far from it, I know I' ve fucked up more than once and no one's fault but my own.
My problem is that, no matter how hard I try, whether in this situation or in any other, I cannot communicate with my parents in a way that will allow them to see things from my perspective, or perhaps be more understanding of something I may do.
I've lied to my parents pretty much throughout my entire life (a skill I've all but perfected) when it was needed, because I have been grounded for the smallest things I've done at times (like being grounded an entire day for not waking up on time). From my point of view, I feel that the fact that my parents resorted to grounding me whenever pretty much any (and I mean ANY) discpline was required led to me finding ways to avoid the punishment, instead of learning from it.
Let's look at it this way. If you have never been grounded in your entire life, and you finally get grounded for having done something serious, it is almost certain that you being grounded will be effective in learning your lesson and making sure that you never commit that error again. But if you are grounded constantly, several times a week sometimes, it's no longer going to have an effect, but rather become useless as you will not even care, or become resistant, if you will.
Another issue I have with my parents is the fact that they keep such close tabs on what I do (or have done, as this applies more to earlier adolescence) that it becomes hard to commit mistakes and learn from them. Then, when I am alone (in university), they yell at me and chew me up about how I am not responsible simply because I don't choose to be, because it's something I should have automatically picked up. Apparently parenting accounts for none of it, right?
I'm not saying my parents are bad parents, as I don't think that that is something you can generalize. But it is true that parenting performance differs depending on which stage the child is in. For example, parents may be very good with dealing with an infant's needs but not quite so good with dealing with the identity crises that most adolescents encounter at one time or another.
I've had the thought running through my mind that I would love to be completely separate from my parents in university, even if it meant working during university or in the summer in order to pay for my career. It's not that I want to leave my family, but I cannot deal with all the fucking stress that is placed on me by them, and I can't do shit all about it.
I guess this is all I have to cloud up this blog with for now.
If I could be nowhere right now and just disappera, I would.
I spoke to a very nice (and, surprisingly, spanish-speaking!) advisor named Marie, who helped me out regarding what I was going to do with BIOL 202, and it turns out that there is a slight chance that I will be able to be (late) registered into PSYC 315. Hopefully all goes for the best.
This means that for now, I am enrolled in INTE 209 (which is an ONLINE course), AHSC 220 and PSYC 310, which is a course load of 9 credits (12 credits being full time). Each and every single time that I talk to my dad on the phone, he will yell at me for only being enrolled in "2 courses and that online shit", and for apparently being enrolled in only 6 credits (even though I am clearly enrolled in 9 credits, my parents continuously fail to recognize my online course as a course simply because it's online. It's as if the fact that the course was online made it any easier, or meant there was less studying to do). I end up feeling like I am a fucking failure and all I am doing with myself is nothing but disappointing my parents, who make it continuously clear what a sacrifice (financially) it is they are making, when I am ''not going anywhere.''
Yes. My dad straight-up told me today that I am "not going anywhere." Those words exactly. Who in their right fucking mind says that to their own kid? Even if it was true, I don't think I would have the heart to say that to one of my kids. Fuck him. And he also suggested the idea that it would be better if I was back home so I could work with him and help him with business instead of stay at university.
I'm not at all saying that my parents are completely wrong, and that I am angel and are doing everything right. Far from it, I know I' ve fucked up more than once and no one's fault but my own.
My problem is that, no matter how hard I try, whether in this situation or in any other, I cannot communicate with my parents in a way that will allow them to see things from my perspective, or perhaps be more understanding of something I may do.
I've lied to my parents pretty much throughout my entire life (a skill I've all but perfected) when it was needed, because I have been grounded for the smallest things I've done at times (like being grounded an entire day for not waking up on time). From my point of view, I feel that the fact that my parents resorted to grounding me whenever pretty much any (and I mean ANY) discpline was required led to me finding ways to avoid the punishment, instead of learning from it.
Let's look at it this way. If you have never been grounded in your entire life, and you finally get grounded for having done something serious, it is almost certain that you being grounded will be effective in learning your lesson and making sure that you never commit that error again. But if you are grounded constantly, several times a week sometimes, it's no longer going to have an effect, but rather become useless as you will not even care, or become resistant, if you will.
Another issue I have with my parents is the fact that they keep such close tabs on what I do (or have done, as this applies more to earlier adolescence) that it becomes hard to commit mistakes and learn from them. Then, when I am alone (in university), they yell at me and chew me up about how I am not responsible simply because I don't choose to be, because it's something I should have automatically picked up. Apparently parenting accounts for none of it, right?
I'm not saying my parents are bad parents, as I don't think that that is something you can generalize. But it is true that parenting performance differs depending on which stage the child is in. For example, parents may be very good with dealing with an infant's needs but not quite so good with dealing with the identity crises that most adolescents encounter at one time or another.
I've had the thought running through my mind that I would love to be completely separate from my parents in university, even if it meant working during university or in the summer in order to pay for my career. It's not that I want to leave my family, but I cannot deal with all the fucking stress that is placed on me by them, and I can't do shit all about it.
I guess this is all I have to cloud up this blog with for now.
If I could be nowhere right now and just disappera, I would.
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